Not What We Expected

Written by Frank Deno

Frank Deno is a seasoned business leader with more than three decades of experience spanning finance, healthcare, non-profit, and entrepreneurship.
October 8, 2025

“The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The leader adjusts the sails.” — John Maxwell

Did you know that Generation X, though smaller than the Boomers and Millennials that bookend it, holds over 51% of leadership roles globally? This “sandwich generation” is now at the helm, navigating a sea of change they may not have anticipated. They were mentored in one leadership era and are now expected to be fluent in another.

It’s a leadership triathlon they never trained for, and mastering the final leg—servant leadership—is now the key to winning the race.


The Principle

The core principle for the modern leader is Servant Leadership. This is a leadership style that inverts the traditional power pyramid, placing the well-being and growth of employees first. The servant-leader focuses on providing the team with the support, resources, and autonomy they need to succeed, believing that better people build a better organization. For Gen X leaders, this represents the final and most profound stage in an evolving definition of authority they have witnessed throughout their careers. They started their journey under a very different model:

  • Command and Control Leadership: This is the traditional, top-down hierarchical model. Leaders give orders, and employees are expected to comply. Authority is derived from position, and the focus is on efficiency, process, and control.
  • Transformational Leadership: This style, popular during the 80s and 90s, centers on a charismatic leader who inspires and motivates followers to buy into a grand vision. The focus is on innovation, change, and elevating the team’s commitment and morale.
  • Servant Leadership: This modern style redefines the leader’s role as a steward and supporter. Instead of being served by the team, the leader serves them. The focus is on listening, empathy, empowerment, and fostering a community of trust where individuals can do their best work.

For a generation taught to be self-reliant and to respect the chain of command, this pivot from directing traffic to clearing the road for others can feel counterintuitive. Yet, their inherent pragmatism and independence may be their greatest assets in mastering it.

Why This Principle Matters

Mastering servant leadership is no longer a “soft skill”—it’s a critical business strategy. Companies with a strong service-oriented leadership culture see higher employee engagement, which studies by Gallup have repeatedly shown leads to 23% greater profitability. The command-and-control style that Gen X inherited breeds compliance, not commitment. Transformational leadership, while inspiring, can sometimes burn people out in service of a vision that feels disconnected from their personal needs. Servant leadership, however, directly addresses the modern employee’s desire for purpose, development, and belonging.

For business owners and executives, embracing this principle means retaining top talent, fostering genuine innovation, and building resilient organizations. Millennials and Gen Z don’t just want a paycheck; they want to make an impact and be valued. They will leave a job with a toxic or indifferent boss faster than any generation before them. For the Gen X leader, developing into a servant leader translates directly to organizational health and a sustainable competitive advantage. It’s about securing their legacy not as commanders, but as cultivators of talent.

Why This Principle Works

The effectiveness of servant leadership is grounded in well-established psychological and organizational theories. Self-Determination Theory (SDT), for example, posits that human beings have three innate psychological needs: autonomy (control over one’s work), competence (feeling effective), and relatedness (feeling connected to others). Servant leadership directly feeds these needs. By empowering employees (autonomy), developing their skills (competence), and building a strong, trust-based community (relatedness), leaders create an environment where people are intrinsically motivated to perform at their best.

Furthermore, Social Exchange Theory helps explain the dynamic. When leaders invest in their employees’ well-being and growth, employees feel a sense of obligation to reciprocate with loyalty, higher performance, and discretionary effort. It creates a positive, self-reinforcing cycle of mutual trust and respect. The focus on service isn’t altruistic in a vacuum; it’s a strategic approach to unlocking human potential, which is the ultimate driver of business success.

How This Principle Works

Consider “David,” a 48-year-old Vice President of Operations at a manufacturing firm. David was mentored by a classic, no-nonsense Boomer who believed in clear chains of command and decisive action. For 20 years, David mirrored that style, and it served him well—he was known for getting things done. But recently, he was facing a crisis. His department had the highest turnover rate in the company, especially among his most promising young engineers. An engagement survey revealed his team felt he was “distant,” “unapproachable,” and “only cared about the numbers.”

HR suggested a leadership coach, who introduced him to the principles of servant leadership. David was skeptical. “My job is to run a tight ship, not to be everyone’s best friend,” he argued. The coach challenged him to try a small experiment. Instead of starting his weekly team meeting with a review of production metrics, he was to start by asking two questions: “What is one personal or professional win you had last week?” and “What is one obstacle I can help you remove this week?”

The first meeting was awkward. The team, used to his direct, all-business approach, gave hesitant, superficial answers. But David persisted. The following week, a young engineer, “Maria,” mentioned she was struggling to get time with the data science team to troubleshoot a recurring software glitch. In the old model, David would have told her to “figure it out.” Instead, he said, “I know their director. Let me make a call after this meeting and clear the path for you.” He did. By that afternoon, Maria had the support she needed.

A small shift started to happen. Team members began sharing more openly. They started bringing him problems earlier, not as complaints, but as opportunities for collaboration. David realized that by “serving” his team—by removing barriers and showing genuine interest in their success—he wasn’t becoming weaker. He was becoming more effective. The metrics didn’t suffer; they improved. More importantly, the team’s morale and sense of psychological safety transformed. He was still in charge, but his authority now came from the trust he had built, not just the title on his door. David learned that serving his team was the most powerful way to lead them.

Practical Strategies for Leaders

To transition toward servant leadership, leaders can integrate established models into their practice. Here is one powerful framework for servant leadership:

  • Mark Miller’s HEART Model (from The Heart of Leadership): This acronym offers a simple, memorable way to check your daily leadership posture.
  • Hunger for Wisdom: Always be learning.
  • Expect the Best: Believe in your people’s potential.
  • Accept Responsibility: Own the outcomes, good and bad.
  • Respond with Courage: Make the tough decisions.
  • Think Others First: The cornerstone of servant leadership.

Critical Reflection

Take a moment to consider your own leadership journey with these questions:

  1. Which of the three leadership styles (command-and-control, transformational, servant) feels most natural to you, and why?
  2. Think of a time a leader truly served you or your team. How did it affect your performance and loyalty?
  3. Where do you see the biggest friction between how you were taught to lead and what your team needs from a servant leader today?
  4. Looking at the HEART model, which letter represents your biggest strength? Which is your biggest opportunity for growth?
  5. What is one behavior you could change this week to more intentionally “Think Others First”?

How to Begin Applying the Principle

Here is a simple, 15-minute exercise to start your shift toward servant leadership. At the end of the day, set aside time to journal your responses to these two prompts:

  1. Who did I serve today? Write down the name of one person on your team. Then, list one specific action you took (or could have taken) to remove a barrier for them, support their growth, or recognize their contribution.
  2. How could I have served better? Reflect on a challenging interaction from the day. Instead of focusing on who was right or wrong, ask yourself: “What did the other person need in that moment, and how could I have helped them get it?”

Doing this daily will retrain your brain to see leadership opportunities not as moments to exert control, but as moments to provide service.

Wrap Up

The landscape of leadership has fundamentally changed, and Gen X leaders are standing at the crossroads. The pragmatic, independent spirit that defines this generation is the very tool they need to master this evolution. Moving from a mindset of command to one of service isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s the ultimate strategic advantage in the modern workplace. By embracing the principles of servant leadership—empowering teams, fostering trust, and putting others first—Gen X leaders can build a legacy that is not only successful but also deeply resonant for the generations that follow. It’s not the leadership style they expected to need, but it is the one that will define their success.

Next Steps

  • Read: The Servant by James C. Hunter. A simple, powerful parable that makes the principles of servant leadership accessible.
  • Watch: Simon Sinek’s TED Talk, “Why Good Leaders Make You Feel Safe.” It provides a compelling case for creating circles of safety and trust.
  • Assess: Take the official Leadership Practices Inventory (LPI) assessment to get a 360-degree view of your current leadership behaviors.